Thursday, 13 November 2008

I’ve been a bit of a dick.

In my last post I sort of lambasted my BF slightly unfairly. Well very unfairly. We spoke about it last night, and the more we spoke, the more I realised that I was pretty much wholly unfair.
The more I look at it the more I realise it was either no ones fault or mine, ie him being hospital and me coming out on my own at the same time as a combination didn’t help; him being in hospital was no ones fault and me coming is my fault cause I could have chosen my timing better.
As for me always crossing town, to be fair to him what I didn’t say was when we started I said dating it was going to be hard for him to come to mine cause I wasn’t sure as a couple how welcome we would be in my house hold, again not his fault.
So I think the summary is that 80% of my last post was unfair to him and I do want to apologise to him.
What I also started to understand from the conversation is that I’m almost (completely unfairly on him) diverting the fact that im really really lonely in London on to him, and trying to use him to make up for it, i.e. being completely over needy cause I have no one to speak to.

So theres my self-realisation.
Sorry Mr C I love you.

And the last couple of days he’s been completely adorable and understanding.
And on an exciting note, we’re escaping to newyork for the weekend (next weekend) which I’m sooooooo excited about.

1 comment:

manxxman said...

Ok, so you appear to be forgiving....but are you really.

You need to examine your realities, is your need for Mr. C because you do not like being alone or is it because you want to explore your need to connect with a man you might want to commit to.