Thursday, 4 December 2008

Anxious

Me and Mr C had a bit of a big conversation last night over dinner about work-sociallife-relationship balance and what it could look like. To be honest im a little anxious (but then I get anxious about most things) about what was said. Part of the problem is I don’t know when I’m being unreasonable. How would you guys prioritise work over a relationship, where’s the sensible cut off, should there be any variability or is it clean cut.
The way the conversation flowed I just felt stupid, but at what point does a relationship just turn into an existence. I know there will be times when either of us is away for a couple of weeks on a job or something, but when that turns into months how long do you let go for.

I find it really funny; normally I’m really good at articulating what im saying. But when under pressure I just sort of clam up and loose my confidence like last night.

I love him so much, and I’m not letting go at all, we’re just going through that thing 6 months in where you properly bed in a understand each other and how I need to change. It’s just conversations like last night sometimes make me think “oh my gosh, what have I got myself into” but then I look at him and know I’ve made the right choice, he’s the most adorable guy in the world.

What I need to learn is that we work in very different industries, mine I can walk away from at 5pm (more like 6 lol), his you can’t (he works in TV and media stuff). So when our evenings are interrupted by work I need to be more understanding, he can’t just drop everything for me; he has to earn a living.

Again, a lot of this rattles back to London life and my lack of one and therefore piling pressure on him, its not fair of me to do that to him.

2 comments:

manxxman said...

You need to get "a life". You're right you are putting to much pressure on Mr. C. if without him you feel lonely and despressed. Why don't you volunteer. Look for your local PFLAG, they can always use the help and it will give you something else to set your mind to.

aron2631 said...

My experience is that there are no clear-cut answers to the work/personal life equation.

It's a matter of listening -- listening to one's intuition, to God, to my partner, to wise friends.

There have been times when I have been so overworked that I was completely unavailable to my partner. The same was true for him. And it wasn't just that I was unavailable--I was miserable. When that happened to me, I had to make deliberate decisions to reposition my work life.

Sometimes that has meant making sacrifices, letting go of dreams, dreaming new dreams, and above all, patience!

Best wishes,

Aron