8 months ago
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
Monday, 27 October 2008
My man is coming home
So after 3 weeks of waiting he’s coming home and I’m sooooooooo excited. I don’t know why, but I haven’t really blogged about just how much I miss him. And actually in hindsight, I should have waited for him to come back before coming out to my parents; it would had been sensible to have my support structure in the same city as me lol.
But I have dearly dearly missed him. It’s been hard for both of us but I think as a couple it’s made us stronger. I also think that this has proved that we’re not in the fluffy, smiley, everything’s glowing, Hollywood type of love. But we’re actually in real love, the one where you wade through shit together, the one where the easiest option is to runaway but you stay, the one where you’ll move planets for the other person just to make them smile, the one where you don’t score up brownie points, the one that’s selfless. And through our time apart that is what I’ve been clinging onto. My mind keeps on going back to the night before he was ill where we went out for dinner and were so happy, it was a really special night.
So my man is coming home YAY.
But I have dearly dearly missed him. It’s been hard for both of us but I think as a couple it’s made us stronger. I also think that this has proved that we’re not in the fluffy, smiley, everything’s glowing, Hollywood type of love. But we’re actually in real love, the one where you wade through shit together, the one where the easiest option is to runaway but you stay, the one where you’ll move planets for the other person just to make them smile, the one where you don’t score up brownie points, the one that’s selfless. And through our time apart that is what I’ve been clinging onto. My mind keeps on going back to the night before he was ill where we went out for dinner and were so happy, it was a really special night.
So my man is coming home YAY.
A meeting of the minds
A got a text on Friday from Blueyedboy saying he was coming through London and would I like to do coffee.
So on Sunday we met at waterloo and had a few beers and sent him on his way.
It was really cool to put a face to the name (and msn lol). This means I can confirm, no he’s not dead and yes, he will update his blog at some point :-P
So on Sunday we met at waterloo and had a few beers and sent him on his way.
It was really cool to put a face to the name (and msn lol). This means I can confirm, no he’s not dead and yes, he will update his blog at some point :-P
Saturday, 25 October 2008
Closet bungy jumping
You know the way that you're shit scared of a roller-coaster but once you've ridden it the first time your just gagging for another run? That whats "comming out" has become to me. It's almost an addiction. Now that my parents are done it's like the worlds my oyster.
This weekend I'm on the verge of dealing with my best friends, which for me is a huge miles stone.
Some time people don't look outside the box. Let me expand. You don't see teenage boys going round having really heavy conversations with their parents saying " mum, dad, I've got something to tell you............I dont know how to say this.......I'm a heterosexual". LMAO. So why the hell did I have to go through all the stress of telling my rents that I was gay. Just a side thought.
We live in a world of predefined standards and, if we want to buck those we have to explain ourselves.
And for me, my bag-of-balls bucks all the trends in the book. Gay and christian. You may as well say I was born on the isle of sheppy LMAO.
This weekend I'm on the verge of dealing with my best friends, which for me is a huge miles stone.
Some time people don't look outside the box. Let me expand. You don't see teenage boys going round having really heavy conversations with their parents saying " mum, dad, I've got something to tell you............I dont know how to say this.......I'm a heterosexual". LMAO. So why the hell did I have to go through all the stress of telling my rents that I was gay. Just a side thought.
We live in a world of predefined standards and, if we want to buck those we have to explain ourselves.
And for me, my bag-of-balls bucks all the trends in the book. Gay and christian. You may as well say I was born on the isle of sheppy LMAO.
Friday, 24 October 2008
Face the music and dance.
I'm writing this on the way back to Bristol on a very packed train.
I went to the pastors house this evening after work to talk about my role in the church and their stance on homosexuality etc etc.
Pastor Trev is what we're gna call him for the rest of the blog (or PT for short).
We chatted for quite sometime and ate dinner.
This is the conclusion of the discussion.
Now to be fair to him, he had done his research and read up alot after I said I was gna chat to him about it.
The first thing he was very clear about is that whether you're hetro or homo, sex outside of marriage is wrong. Which to be fair is my point of view.
The second was that we are all sinners and no-one has more of a right than someone else to lead etc as we are all sinners.
The third is that the bible dose not condone homosexuality.
Now 2 of these I agree with and the third not so. But there you go, agreeing to disagree is what I'm gna be doing with a lot of people. And this message wasn't at all delivered in a condemning way at all, it was delivered with love, compassion and humility.
The conclusion of all of this was to give it time, he had to work out where he stood on me being in the leadership, and when he does he needs to be very sure of himself so he can support me.
He was very clear that he had not made a decision yet.
So what do I take away from this. The first is that I'm fully welcome in this church, I can call it home and become part of a thriving congregation.
The second is that, if its gods will, then I will continue to be involved with, and potentially return to, leading worship.
So I'm just gna pray that God will be in this all and that his will is made clear. And that if God no longer wants to be a worship leader that I walk away with good memories and no bitterness in my heart.
So get praying chaps and chapets.
I think the song that somes it up for me is Surrender.
Click here to have a listen.
I went to the pastors house this evening after work to talk about my role in the church and their stance on homosexuality etc etc.
Pastor Trev is what we're gna call him for the rest of the blog (or PT for short).
We chatted for quite sometime and ate dinner.
This is the conclusion of the discussion.
Now to be fair to him, he had done his research and read up alot after I said I was gna chat to him about it.
The first thing he was very clear about is that whether you're hetro or homo, sex outside of marriage is wrong. Which to be fair is my point of view.
The second was that we are all sinners and no-one has more of a right than someone else to lead etc as we are all sinners.
The third is that the bible dose not condone homosexuality.
Now 2 of these I agree with and the third not so. But there you go, agreeing to disagree is what I'm gna be doing with a lot of people. And this message wasn't at all delivered in a condemning way at all, it was delivered with love, compassion and humility.
The conclusion of all of this was to give it time, he had to work out where he stood on me being in the leadership, and when he does he needs to be very sure of himself so he can support me.
He was very clear that he had not made a decision yet.
So what do I take away from this. The first is that I'm fully welcome in this church, I can call it home and become part of a thriving congregation.
The second is that, if its gods will, then I will continue to be involved with, and potentially return to, leading worship.
So I'm just gna pray that God will be in this all and that his will is made clear. And that if God no longer wants to be a worship leader that I walk away with good memories and no bitterness in my heart.
So get praying chaps and chapets.
I think the song that somes it up for me is Surrender.
Click here to have a listen.
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