Cracking

I’m slowly cracking, I can’t take the loneliness any more, I’m struggling the friction between me and Mr C, I can’t take the boredom of work anymore, and I don’t know what to do. As I was having my shower this morning I just broke down, it all got too much. There’s something amazingly purifying about balling your eyes out in the shower. I knelt down in the shower tray crying and said “Jesus, I’m broken; it’s your turn now”.

My whole friends issue is becoming a big problem that I’m finding hard to sort out. Imagine it’s like the Job market at the moment, if there where jobs out there I would apply for them, but there aren’t any. In the same that if there where any opportunities to make friends I would jump on them. But like the job market there aren’t any. And so, like a job seeker, I have this feeling of complete and utter helplessness and that I’m out of my depth in life. I’m trying to make opportunities but I have very few feeds in:-


House mates:- Well one of them has no social skills at all, and we wouldn’t really get on. The other two are in completely different social circles to me and have already busy lives.

Sarah:- Has been a potential place of connection, I’ve been out to a few things with her, and I really get on with Sarah, but I sometimes struggle to connect with her friends.

Joe:- Was a great start, living with him had a good opportunity to get going. I got on with his friends in London (and me a Joe have been friends since age 12). But then he moved out and up north it sort of killed it completely.

Mr C;- I get on with his friends fine, we had a wicked night out on Friday, but I can’t help but feel I’m invading his personal space.

Work:- Is a dead end, they all live outside the city, have nutty commutes into work, and are at completely different life stages to me (married, kids, grand kids etc)

Church:- on the face of it they’re welcoming, but its never followed through.

So you can probably see my predicament.

And here is my plan of action 1. Change church. 2. Move house. I got all your messages about volunteering and I’m looking into it, thanks for the tip.

The last thing I want to say is much that there is friction between me and Mr C I still love him, And I’m praying like mad to God that he’s gna pull us through this. So is PD and various other people (and if you lot could pray it would be great). We have such a connection, and when we’re together its great, its when we’re apart that I fall apart. It’s my problem and I need to sort it out.