A place of safety

Sorry I haven’t written for a bit. Just been a hectic week.

Right a few updates. First off the old blog is closed.

Secondly I would like to welcome Mr C (the BF) as a reader. Thanks to a cockup by me lol (I left my blog open on his laptop) he is now a reader which is cool.

Thirdly I have also updated my profile on blogger.

Some of you may have noticed I have disappeared off of MSN i.e. I’m not signed on constantly. This is because I have now switched my Blackberry to an iPhone and I cant find an MSN client that will run in the back ground. Grrrrrrr.



Went to “Gay” church for the first time this weekend. (MCC in London).
It was a really interesting experience.
Let me explain;

I finish being a worship leader in my church back in Bristol in 3 weeks time, therefore I’m church shopping in London.
I’ve checked out various options, been to hillsong London, London City life, St this and St that.
Anyway, I thought this would be a good chance to go to a “Gay friendly” church; therefore I could be me.
So, I thought I would give one of the MCC’s a go. It wash just like a normal, semi trad church, but with Gay people in it who could be who they are. For the first 10 mins I felt a little uneasy, but that’s due to the conditioning I’ve had. When I relaxed it felt nice, like a place I could be. The music wasn’t my preferred style and the congregation wasn’t that big, but that all didn’t matter, it just felt like a safe haven. So am I g’na go there permanently, I’m not sure, but it really is a place of safety.

Only last week I had realised how the journey of the last year has exhausted me. I was chatting to stephe about it, and she was saying essentially I’ve been/going through a life trauma. Some times my heart just feels weak, and my panic attacks are just getting more frequent. But I do get this feeling that it is all going to be over soon.

I lay there at night just praying for a little peace, and granted, he does the job. But the whole coming out thing is just terrifying, And people say “just stop thinking about it” but that’s easier said than done. G day is just 21 days away now.
TLC is what I need now, just some to lye to me and tell me its all gna be fine.