Flat Spin

Why are we so human.
I don’t know If you’ve heard of the term flat spin, but its when a plane stalls and then spins on its centre axis, so the plane sort of turns into a giant helicopter blade. They can happen at anytime in a stall and have a tendency to uncontrollable and very hard to get out of.

The saying flat spin comes from that aircraft term, the idea being that we to such a point of shitness that we loose control.

This happened to me yesterday. I think every thing got to me. Mr C in hospital, Gran in Hospital, coming out, not being out, living in London, my job being crap and the weather topped it off.

I got home last night and just lost it. My plane stalled and the spin began. I just lay on my bed and started to cry. I think I’ve been bottling a lot of stress and crap up, and at some point that had to be let out. And if im honest with myself I’m pretty messed up at the moment and I should really find someone to talk to. I found Samaritans centre in central London so I may go and see them.

I think there are two things getting me down, actually theres shit loads getting me down, but the two main things are Mr C being in hospital and my so-called life in London.
Mr C being in hospital is obviously not his fault and it not him that I’m getting at, I just really miss him. I miss the hugs the kisses, I miss us arguing about stupid stuff like the number of horizontal pixels in 1080i HDTV (its 1920 by the way, he thinks it 1440 lol), I miss him.
And my life in London isn’t helping. I’m struggling to make close friends, I know it takes time, but I miss my crew.

So that’s me the endless rollercoaster of emotions. 90% I control them, but sometimes I just want to let it all go.

I’m off to Germany to see gran on Friday.