This is a letter I've been drafting. Not sure about it, but its the kind of thing I would write if I was gna go down the letter root.
Dear Mum and Dad,
I’m not sure where to start (or even where to
finish).
So the first thing I want to say is that I love you both,
you both mean the world to me and I couldn’t ask for better parents. You are
both real role modals and I’m always proud that I’m Chris Smith’s or Louise
Smith’s son.
What I’m about to tell you may be a real shock to the
system and I completely understand if you don’t agree or if you just need space.
I’m gay.
I have a boy friend who I love dearly.
And before you ask no, its not PD.
I need to give you a bit of history
behind this.
It started in boarding school with a guy called Kevin. Not a
lot happened we were only 9 and after that I sort of shelved it.
As I grew through my teens I started to notice blokes a lot more
but thought nothing of it. By the time it came to going out with Cath I had come
to the understanding that I was bi, and that if I just had hetro relations then
it would all be fine. I admitted to cath that I was bi.
Me and Cath breaking
up had nothing to do with this but actually completely to do with us. As I said
to you before it just all came to a grinding halt with her.
During my and
Caths break up I started a blog, which is how I met PD. He counselled me through
our breakup, from that we became best friends and prayer partners.
Since last august life has been hell. The combination of coming
out to myself, moving to London away from my support structure, and trying to
reconcile my faith has nearly killed me.
I now have a boyfriend,
Mr C, who I have been seeing for 2-3 months and I love him dearly.
I can completely understand that this is alot to deal with and
take in. and there’s a lot more to explain, but lets just do this one step at a
time.
I don’t know what else to say really.
I
completely understand if you don’t want to talk to me for a while, or ever. But
I will always love you and I’m always so thankful that you are and have been my
parents.
Love Dave
Thoughts would be great.
5 comments:
Maybe it would be wise to write a bit more about what you yourself have done until now to come to terms and deal with the fact that you're gay.
And maybe it would be wise not to write about how your parents are your role models and almost immediately after that tell them you're gay. ;-)
Well you know them best, do and say what is right for you buddy. If you decide to go ahead with this then *hugs* and good luck.
Not that I have any great pearls of wisdom about this sort of thing, but I'd leave out the history and keep it short and simple. Sometimes, people just don't want to know the details and when they are ready to know more, I'm sure they would ask.
Lots of good...but lots of maybe not so good ideas.
From experience, your parents will not be interested if you're seeing someone. Neither of mine made a point to ask when I came out to them. It's something that comes with comfort, or at the very least not so early in your letter.
Leave out the 9 year old thing, it's a bit touchy at this point. You can stress that you really 'know' you're gay, but that's a lot to hear on the first go-round. Same goes with the blogging thing. The last thing they want to hear is that you're trapsing around the world meeting anonymous people who found you on the internet. That's just a protection thing, they're not going to get it. Leave it out.
You really need to talk a lot more about your feelings, which as I know is very hard for you to do. Don't hedgehog yourself to your parents in your coming out letter. You have to be as vulnerable as you can, which is really hard I know. Remember, the more you talk about your feelings, the more they're going to understand just how much you've thought this through and how well you know yourself.
Also, it might be good to include some stuff about how really difficult it has been to come to this conclusion. You can say how hard life has been, how you've done a lot of soul searching and how sure you are that you are gay. Parents instinctively think it's a phase, that you're not 'really' gay but experimenting. It's so hard for them to contemplate their son being that different. You've got to be the constant reassuring voice that this is the real you, that this is right, and that this is OK.
Lots of love, and we're going to get you through this.
I agree with Steve...have you ever heard the term KISS - Keep It Simple Stupid. I think that would be best. You also should let them know how much happier you are now that you've reconciled it within yourself. Leave out the BF info, parents sometime blame the BF for "converting" their son. Just my 2 cents and good luck!!
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